You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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