it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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