I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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