We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have fence marks all over my body
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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