I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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