I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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