I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
