I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
