end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
