Whod you bang
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
