You just made me feel so damn special
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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