dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
