I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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