peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
