Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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