1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
