My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
