i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
