Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
