i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
