i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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