I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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