how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
