Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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