i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
