at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your penis caused this!
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