Life is so much better after having sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
