READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize