You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
