A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize