May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
