Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
