glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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