the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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