When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
