HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
