god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
