hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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