If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
