I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
