Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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