I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i've created a new STD.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
