Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
