Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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