come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
