How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
