I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
