We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
