wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
