you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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