He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
