Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mom said you looked used
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
