dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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