I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
