nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
