I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
