had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
