Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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