What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
