i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
