I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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