my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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