what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
