it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
