You made me cry and you don't even care
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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