I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
