So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
