So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
