Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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