Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize