If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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