Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
