There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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