I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
