Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
