Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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