??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
