D3 body, D1 cock
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize