Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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