No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
