I looked at my own cervix.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
