So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
