Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
