You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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