Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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