her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize