i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
