I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
