We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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