hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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