i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
