I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
