She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
