I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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