thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
