I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
