he shaved USA in his pubs
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
