By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
