Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
